the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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