you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
That reminds me...we need to get swords
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
