thus making me awesome and them whores
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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