We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
