i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
