I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
