remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
