I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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