the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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