Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
