i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
