she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
