people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
too bad you live with your parents still
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Mom said you looked used
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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