i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
