Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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