Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I think i got beer on your cat.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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