Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
