Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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