No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
