Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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