So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
