She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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