I never want to see another naked old woman again.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Randomize
