I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
