Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
