He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
