dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
