why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize