ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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