I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
