did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
