Can i not drive my cunt home
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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