I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
