During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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