don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
