ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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