Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
she smelled like a LAN party
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
