I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
