I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
