Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
