I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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