I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
