I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
