Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
