Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
