she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
