this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
is it fun? or sober?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
