theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
she looked like the before picture.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
