and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
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