i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
