I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
