So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
