i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
