69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
