She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
