maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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