Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
