She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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