also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
