mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
