i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
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