i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
