I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
