Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
