like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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