Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
