piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
