All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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