i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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