it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
