dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
