My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
