My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
you inspire me to be a worse person
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
