Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
