no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
