omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
