do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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