Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
