she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
