Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
