Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
