Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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