it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
worst night to have a conscience
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
