I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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