forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
True college students do jello shots in the library
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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