I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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