I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
