Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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