Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Randomize
