Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize