Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
