he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
