Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
