If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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