This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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