TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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