you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
