this will be a night to untag.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
