I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
