just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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