Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
