I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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