were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
