So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
