Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
