apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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