I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
