You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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