We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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